you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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