Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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