Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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