I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
