I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
