Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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