I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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