Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
sex in a hospital.. check
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
