cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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