it hurts more in the daytime
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
