That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
