Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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