He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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