Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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