what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
