the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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