so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
