I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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