Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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