my mouth tastes like poor choices
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
