you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
