I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
