i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
