I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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