Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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