"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
