I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
