I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
