worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
