Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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