The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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