I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
