im drinking this country out of the recession.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
