I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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