i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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