oh god the rape fog is back!
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
