I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
