Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
