I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
