What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
