I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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