There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My breasts were aching with rage.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
