i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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