I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
