I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
