Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
