Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
