We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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