Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
