The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Oh god it's open bar.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
